soo... bobby

ok, i think i need to clarify how everything went down with bobby. its a pretty long story so i'm sorry if this post is massive.

so, i left for moscow really happy with our relationship. sure, the summer apart was looming but i wasn't concerned. i knew i'd be fine with the long distance because my whole life has been spent moving around. but he was really concerned. so we talked up to five times a day. at first, this was great. i was so happy to hear from him. but then i started to notice that by the fourth or fifth call, we didn't really have anything to say because we'd already talked about everything. and since he was calling on a government line that is not supposed to be for public use, i was really worried that my parents might get in trouble. so i mentioned to him the possibility of just emailing each other. but he didn't want to do that and since his computer was broken and had to be sent in to gateway, he couldn't really do that. so then i suggested we talk twice a day, i'll call him once and he'll call me once. that seemed perfect to me because we could talk like every twelve hours which would ensure that we had something to share.

this is where our relationship started to have problems. i think he was upset that i only wanted to talk twice a day. he took it to mean i didn't want to talk to him, when really, i just wanted to make our conversations more meaningful. but whatever, talk about your miscommunications. so then, it was like he was punishing me by not calling or anything. there was a week and a half stretch where i didn't hear from him at all. and that kind of pissesd me off because i would call and get no answer, i'd email and get no answer. it was just frustrating. especially because of the crazy distance we had.

so in that period, i started to rethink our relationship. i started at the beginning and thought about everything that had happened. all the times he had over reacted to something and hurt my feelings, all the times i had to put aside what i wanted to do so that we could follow his interests, the time one of my friends from high school came to visit and bobby refused to meet them. all the times we went to the library because he needed to get work done and didn't want to be alone (despite the fact that i had ZERO work to do). all the times i needed to study for a test and wanted to go to the library and wanted company (since i'd done it for him) and he would talk me into studying in his room while he played poker on the computer and watched tv... just stuff like that which didn't add up to a healthy relationship. i realized that i had basically been putting my life on hold. also, the fact that he wouldn't even consider the option of me not converting to judaism started to hurt me because it was like he was saying he didn't care about my background. so after all this thinking, i was really hurt and couldn't reach him.

so finally i sent him an email telling him everything that i was feeling. including how i felt he was being very self involved and uncaring. needless to say this did not go over well.

also, during the summer, everytime i would mention a guy's name, he would get very suspicious. and one thing that needs to be clear is that, overseas at embassies, when college kids come to visit their parents, they all hang out together because there are only 10 of them. so if you exclude people, you will find yourself excluded from the majority of things. and since everyone was really nice and fun, i had no problem hanging out with them. and since i thought with 6 girls and 3 guys the ratio was acceptable, i didn't think twice about going out with them. but bobby would just focus on every name i mentioned. this started to get really upsetting because i would tell a funny story and the only thing he would get out of it was the fact that a guy was part of the group. this is just frustrating.

so then i get back to the states. and i know that our relationship is on really rocky ground but i thought, hey, you know what, i'm going to wait and see what things are like in person before i make my decisions. but the sucky phone conversations just continued. and this is where things started to get really strange. i was talking to bobby and he's like "oh yea, i met a guy who goes to RIT with Tyler (one of my close friends from moscow) and he says that tyler is a total player". i was like "oh really? cause tyler was dating the same girl for two years. whats the guy's name?" so he tells me "jonathan green". so then later Tyler called from moscow to see how things were in the states. and i mention that some guy is telling people that he's a player. i tell him the name and tyler tells me he doesn't know anyone by that name. so i assume i got the name wrong. so after we hang up i call bobby and ask him to clarify the name becuase tyler doesn't know anyone like that at RIT. bobby then tells me that his integrity won't let him tell me because he doesn't think its right for me to know. which is weird cause he told me like three hours prior. so i thought that was weird. tyler told me he doesn't think the guy even exists but i didn't know what to think because why would bobby randomly make up something like that?

(sidenote: the tuesday after i got back to the states i got a delivery of pink roses --my fav-- and thought they were from bobby. but they were from tyler! he sent me flowers because he knew that i was having a rough time with bobby and that i was really upset and confused... i think that is possibly the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. and basically cemented my friendship with Ty)

so after that weird moment, i'm talkign to bobby a couple days later. and he tells me "your friends in moscow aren't really your friends. they don't actually like you. one of them has been telling me things about you this summer behind your back". and of course, this is shocking to me. so i ask who it is because i felt i had a right to know since he disclosed this much to me already. but he claims that his integrity won't let him tell me. now, i'm all for integrity and loyalty and everything, but if he holds his integrity so dear, wouldn't it have stopped him from mentioning it to me in the first place? also, why would you tell your girlfriend, this person you claim to love, something that you know would hurt her? it just didn't make sense.

so at this point, i realized i couldn't handle this relationship right now. it was way too stressful and i felt like bobby was not the same guy i thought he was. so i told him i felt we should break up. he then starts going on about how i have so many mental problems and insecurity which may or may not be true but either way, was totally uncalled for. and then he started not returning my calls.

you see, he has a ring that was given to me by an ex boyfriend turned really good friend. and i want it back really badly. so i've been calling him, not excessively, just trying to remind him to bring it back to school with him. and now that we're at school, i keep asking him if i can come by and pick it up really quickly so that he won't have to see me again. but he seems to be avoiding me at all costs. like today, he got online on AIM and so i wrote "can i come by to pick up the ring now?" and got no response. so i went over there because i had bday presents for the guys who live next door. i knocked on his roommates door and asked if bobby was in, and was told he had just left. now, i don't know if thats true (i.e. he could have been hiding or something) but it just felt so ridiculous. so then i was talking to john, who lives next door. and bobby imed him. and was like "are you alone" so he clearly knew i was there. and john told him, "no, caitie is here, she wants you to come back" and bobby says (this is the most ridiculous part) "tell her to give me my space"... WTF!!! as if i'm some sort of stalker!!! lol!! that was too funny. because he has something of mine that he knows i want back, but he's not letting me get it back which means i have to keep asking him if i can come get it. i swear, if it wasn't so important to me i'd just forget about it.

i mean, really, this is just getting ridiculous. i had thought that of all the guys i had dated, bobby would be the one who could handle a break up responsibly. but now after everythign that is going on with us and the way he's acting now, i feel like he was putting on an act or something during our relationship. and that is of course upsetting.

anyway, i have a visitor coming this weekend... tyler actually :) i'm so excited to show him around and meet some of his friends who go here.

at first i thought this would be awkward becuase of everything with bobby and the fact that tyler wants to be more than friends, but bobby has been making it clear that he is spending time with girls (LOL also very middle school) so i'm not going to keep my friends away. besides, i'm not going to get to see tyler for a while... unless we start dating which would mean we'd visit once a month.