god!

sometimes it really helps to get advice from someone who isn't directly involved in the situation. but it is disconcerting to hear them echo your own thoughts. because now i have to ask myself, "what do i do?"

i don't want to end things with tyler. but i don't know what to do anymore. he doesn't want to even make an effort to be more sweet. i wonder if i were to be constantly helpful, happy etc and not "bitch" at him, would that help? but at the same time i wonder if he would even notice. :(

i just feel like i can't win no matter what i do.

and the only solution seems to be putting myself aside and focusing on him. which is fine because i focus on him always. but the question is: who is going to focus on me?

i was in this situation with bobby and it sucked. i ended up spending hours watching HIM play chess... being bored out of my mind but not able to walk away.

i can't be in that situation again.

it just hurts that i was absolutely and completely open to him about what i feel and even about things in my past that have hurt me and scared me deep down. and he shrugged them off. telling me to "get over it" etc.

i mean, who responds like that?

sigh

i just don't get it anymore.

so i'm goign to try to talk to him less. like instead of rushing home to talk to him on aim, i'll take my time and find other things to do. that will give us less opportunity to fight. but thats going to be hard for me because its one of the things i love the most about us. the fact that we talk all the time.

and it hurts to think that he probably won't understand what i'm doing and or even care.

god i don't know what to do!

anyway, here's my friend JT's response:

"Some things that he says to you bother me alot:

for example: i have confronted the situation in a better and a more mature way then you can ever, apparently, comprehend He seems to put you down ALOT and all you do is say how wonderful he is.

I'd kill for a girlfriend to say all those things to me.

You want someone to give you compliments, and you give him 10000000 examples of what you want just in that conversation alone.

You didn't need to say anything about what you want because it's all right there in front of him.

You lead by example.

You must have told this guy how smart, funny, sexy, and intelligent he is/was over 20 times in this conversation ALONE. I am willing to bet you do it way more than that.

This is the luckiest guy in the world."